mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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