i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
