She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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