what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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