Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
