This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
