He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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