I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
