I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
