Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
