I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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