What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
