Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
