hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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