So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
