guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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