I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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