We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
