I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
