You really coming over, don't trick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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