so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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