Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
