"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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