you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
