I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
