oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
