you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
