Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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