I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Mom said you looked used
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
