I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
