Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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