Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize