she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
