they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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