HIV tests are more positive than that guy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
