I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
