farters have to be the big spoon...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My penis needs a shock collar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize