Your dad touched me again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
