I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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