i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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