She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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