i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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