3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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