Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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