He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
