so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
