well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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