hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
