bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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