I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
tell me about the fingering
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