he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
