Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize