My friends, they love my intelligence
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
