Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
