I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
