guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
