If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
