Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
