I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize