I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
