i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is my gift to your gina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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